Dirt, tears, strained voices and the whole shabang of a not so perfect relationships!

     He's late. She said something you didn't like. He's working too much. She's just simply "crazy"... Sound familiar? Yeah I thought so. So go on and grab a drink and a snack because I'm about to get real. The typical and not so typical downfalls of a perectly NORMAL relationship through the eyes of moi!

     Look guys, I'm no Dr. Ruth or no damn professional but I have had my fair share of relationships and I do have some insight on the subject. Currently, I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 and a half years *"officially" labelled boyfriend/girlfriend for a year and a half.* He drives me berserk half the time, but the other half, I can't get enough of him. There are no two relationships that are alike. Which makes sense since not two people are alike, right? So it comes to no surprise that this new guy you're dating is a lot more emotional or snippy than your ex and you just don't know how to cope with it. I'm going to help, or at least attempt to make some sense into what a normal/healthy relationship should be close to.

    

     The good things: With everything in this world, there is an opposite. Good/bad, cold/hot, up/down and so forth, relationships have opposites too. For the entirety of this post, I will be referring to these "opposites" in a relationships as "slips." When a couple has a slip, it's so very very easy to yell, rant, and go on a tangent on what you dislike about the other or what they did wrong. You're probably the passive one who thinks that being quiet will shut them up and get the fight over with. You may or may not try to level up on them and always be ahead and come out on top, right?  Yes, you my friend are what I like to call "the blamer" aka, the finger pointer. You are very quick to point out the errors of your partner and are very diligent in making a point across that you are right and what they did/said is wrong. DING DING DING! This exact habit of yours is  harming your relationship! If this sounds like you in anyway or if your partner has said that you always point your finger at them or blame them for things then honey, you need to recognize what you're doing! If one thing that I can share with you guys about relationship is, good or bad, there are two of you. It took two people to make this relationship, it takes two people to keep a relationship, two people to love, and why is getting into an argument all of a sudden a one person blame game? You need to take a breather. *inhale....exhale* calm down and realize that perhaps your partner might have simmered the conversation in which led to an argument, but you did not help in stopping it, to which my point is, you argued just as much as they did and added fire to fire and are equally as responsible as your partner. Now, you may not like what you just read but please realize that it is the truth.

     When it comes to love, no one is the lesser one and no one needs to surrender in order to make things right. Relationships with your spouse or girl/boyfriends can be one of the most rewarding aspects of our lives. Personality differences are inevitable and it is for this reason that couples have a couple of slips here and there and that's what makes us unique as individuals. We can result in disagreements and conflicts during our relationship but our flexibility to overcome those issues is what truly speaks on about us. When these disagreements are not properly comprehended emotions  are exchanged and can stir up to be a full on battle! A battle so trivial that could possibly end what you've spent months or years building together. Yes, there are relationships where the two just are not compatible are have too much of a personality difference and in the end, terminating the relationship is probably for the better. However, breaking up for the sake of being frustrated or mad is unnecessary and a waste of both of your time. In order for you two to work, there has to be a genuine WANT to understand one another. Another aspect in an argumentative relationship is the differences between sexes. 

     Woman are completely different than men on many levels. Men are just as emotional and sensitive as women. The difference is in the way that men and women express themselves, and this is often misunderstood. As women, we tend to hide pretty much the entirety of our inner thoughts and when we are upset about something, we assume that our partner is magically a mind reader! We assume that they should know exactly what we are thinking without having to tell them. Yeah, we may drop hints here and there by being upset and frustrated but this itself is extremely frustrating for your partner since they want to help but cannot seem to get anywhere and doesn't understand why we are so upset. At the sight of our partner not picking up on our clues, we get even more upset and hurt. (This sums me up completely.) But, this is something that we have to work past and learn to break that habit of expecting to have our problems solved without communicating properly.

     As men tend to be more verbal and are very well at thinking out loud and for the most part, honestly. Men may internalize many of their feelings because men speak based off their thoughts and often get in trouble with the women in their lives, since she can be hurt by what we say. (happens 9/10 times). What we may not know is that society has created this alpha-male ego that all men have to abide by which is to act like a wall is defending their integrity and strength of their character. I do have to admit that men can easily sense when their partner is unhappy and do have the want to make her happy again but, like I mentioned before, we remain upset and assumes that the men are mind readers! All in all, I truly do believe that this is something not not only I have to work on but a lot of other women need to work on as well. I've seen in with my sister and her husband, my friends from work and school. Women become mute when things are wrong and cross their fingers that their man will be able to read their mind and automatically fix the problem without making a peep.

     Lastly, It is inevitable that all couples are going to have slips, and everyone has days where their emotions can get the best of them. The problem is not that we have disagreements with our partner the problem lies in the way we handle the situation. When our egos get in the way, our mind becomes clouded and we end up making a bigger mess of the situation. Many of these fights/arguments can be solved by rationally thinking "is my relationship stronger than the problem?" If you are mature enough to be in a relationship than clearly you are mature enough to be able to handle a disagreement in a civil manner. The underlying issue here is that we need to do less talking and more listening. Try putting yourself in your partners shoes and see things from their perspective. Do not patronize them and think that you are higher than them. Don't forget to breath, speak calmly but firmly. Direct eye contact with one another symbolizes that you have their attention and that you care about what they have to say. Forgive and forget, practice practice practice if this is not your strong suit. Lastly, apologize, both of you, and explain yourself in a lighter tone what you were feeling and what you were trying to get across, and realize that the battle is over, and there is no need for hostility and defensiveness. If you carry your guard up after a fight, then you're not over it. Wrap your mind around what just happened and come to terms that a fight is a fight, you either choose to be happy and continue your day/night with your partner in a better mood or dwell in the negativity and throw yourself a pity party for one.  

     Ultimately, the power to be happy is in your hands, not theirs. Happiness is a choice. You don't need to depend on another person to make you happy but it sure is nice to have someone to be happy with.