Too Drunk To Think of A Proper Title

Hello my late night Lovelies! 

     As I'm sitting in bed, a little tipsy and with the munchies, I've realized that after all this time I have never blogged while intoxicated. I don't really know what I'm going to write about, all I know is that my drunk fingers are itching to let sober thoughts. Welp. Here goes nothing...

   

     It's Friday night(actually it's Saturday morning) and I'm all alone. I'm sulking alone in bed..all alone. I'm trying to nurse my not-yet-present-hangover with water, food and some aspirin but still, I'm very much alone. Being alone is something that I grew accustomed to growing up. Being the last of three VERY spaced out children, I learned to be independent and how to coincide in my own little world. For as long as I could remember boys and "dating" them, I was always dominant. I would tell a boy I'd like him, soon he'd ask me out and later when I was bored, I was the one dumping them. I was prideful that I, Margie, was the dumper and not the dumpee. I lived my life that way all the way up until college. I had back up guys in my phone's contact list and I had guys waiting around for me to say "NEXT!"  I was the female version of a player with the bat of an eye and a flash of my smile, I could get what I was looking for without ever getting physical or taking off my clothes. It was then that I realized what "Pussy Power" meant. I know that with my friendly personality I could get any guy that I wanted to give me a piece of his attention. It was their attention that fed me and led me to crave it so badly. 

     Fast forward to present day, I no longer am the female player I used to be. The people in my contacts have dwindled down lower and lower as time passes by. I have very few friends and even fewer male friends. Needless to say, Margie has been hitched lol but I say it in the most sincere way possible. Iravin really is a dream. It wasn't until he came along that I really started to open myself up, get warmed up to the idea of someone giving my more than just their attention. He gave me things other guys never sought out to give nor did I expect to receive. 

    It took me a while to get accustomed to his personality and his intentions but to be completely honest with you, I was scared out of my wits. He, who has never loved before, was willing to give me his entire heart in return for mine. Although I've loved many times before him, I knew the repercussions of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I couldn't do it. I found an excuse and I ran. Then out of the blue came this idiot that completely swooned me and I was completely floored by him. He was charming, sweet and good looking and was everything I thought I wanted in a man. Three months. That's it. Three months of being together and It fell to complete shit. He was a child. He didn't know how to love someone. Devastated, I carried on and took this as a learning curve. You win some, you lose some. But guess who was there to stitch my shattered heart? Yep. You guessed it, Mr. Iravin himself. I like to think that secretly, him playing the field of "I'm a shoulder to cry on" was a part of his elaborate scheme to ultimately win me over. And he did. He actually talked to me. After putting everything he had on the line for me and I walked away without any explanation, he was still brave enough to forgive me and do it all over again.

      We used to talk for hours and hours up until 5 in the morning about anything and everything. Movies, sports, future children's names, our favorite food and we dug deep into ourselves and talked about things I've never talked to anyone before. It was like we were doing this intricate dance with each other. He gave a little, I'd give a little. He'd give a little more and I'd give right back. Kind of like a Waltz. One step, two step, left foot, right foot. Sure enough it was as if we were dancing in a ballroom all by ourselves and we learned to like traits about him that I never thought were likable in anyone else. I knocked on wood. I recited my Hail Mary's. I fought as if the devil himself was riding my back to hell. But I wouldn't fight it anymore, I fell in love.

    The reason I made being alone a big issue in my first few lines is because it was him who changed it all. Iravin pushed, striked and killed to give me everything I needed. Day in and day out he was there to listen to me and love me. Day in and day out he's still here to make sure I'm taken care of. And, I'm sad because It's a Friday night and we're both alone in our own separate beds fighting. We haven't been acting like us lately and it kills me. It's a big deal because at the end of the day, I don't want to be alone. I don't want all these guys' attention. I just want his. I want to see his name in my phone when I get a call. I want the smell of his cologne to linger on me after I lay with him. I want to feel him holding my hand. That's all I want. Ever.

-Side note- It's fucking raining now. It hasn't rained all week and when I'm writing about my problems in my relationship.. It starts to fucking rain. How swell is that? lol

     Anyway, I'm tired now and I'm losing my buzz. I need to go to sleep and hopefully fix the issues in my relationship. Regardless of how hard things get between us, I'm a woman of my word, I'm yours until your last dying breath. I'd chose to have a million and one fights with you than to go on with my life with you not being mine. Sappy. Corny but just as true. 

Peace out bitches. Margie had too much tequila :)

This was fun. Maybe I'll make drunk blogging a new segment for my blog?