Day One.

It's been less than 24 hours since the worst unfathomable pain sunk into the pit of my stomach. I haven't eaten. I have tear stains on my cheek from silently crying into my pillow last night and I've lost count on how many times I've broken down. Why? I don't understand. I'm so lost. I've never felt this ache before. I have an emptiness inside of me that isn't hunger and no matter how hard I try to fight it, It won't go away. Day One without you has been by far, one of the worst days of my life.

929 days of me and you. I'm almost 100% that it's going to take me triple that to get over it.

I've gone through a break up many times before but nothing ever hurt like this...

You and I made plans for OUR future but to my demise, you don't want any of it anymore. You don't want me and you made it very clear that there is no us. You left me in the dark with little to no information on what went wrong. You don't feel the same. You lost the motivation. In the end, I thought we were fine but I lost you. Right through my fingers. The same fingers you used to interlace yours with. Gone. I had high hopes that you'd be the one to end my search forever. I planned my life inside of my mind with the image of you conquering an empire with me. 929 days, moments, memories, love, gone in an instant.

You were the light at the end of all the dark scary tunnels that came towards me. I looked to you for advice, insight, honesty. But as foolish as it was to think you could never harm me, you couldn't have done it any quicker. My heart, what was left of it, is shattered. I can't think. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't breath. I can't even feel the tears streaming down anymore. I highly doubt that he'll read this, he wasn't very interested in my blog but I'm hurting WAY too much for me not to air out my suffering.

I am unsalvageable at this point.My parts are worn and rusted. I'm just withering away and killing myself to figure out what went wrong. A part of me wants to hold on to any little sliver of hope that there's any sort of good in this world left that you'd come back to me. But, as dead set as you were last night, I felt the daggers go in deep. I don't think there will ever be an us.