I'm Pretty Sure I'm Having A Quarter-life Crisis...
Hello My Lovelies,
So get this. I'm standing in line at CVS to buy a pregnancy test. No. Not for me. I then find myself sitting on my best friends bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom and tell me the results. With a stupid grin on her face and bouncing her 6 month daughter on her hip she tells me "Do you see it too?" And there in front of me, as I'm holding another woman's urine soak pregnancy stick, I see it. A bright blue + sign. She's pregnant. AGAIN.
I'm ecstatic for her. She's my bff. My roll dawg. My home girl. But this home girl just had a baby 6 months ago and she's already expecting another one! My mind cannot wrap itself around the idea of me barely getting to know my goddaughter, her habits and seeing her grow into a little squish and have to start all over again...can you image actually giving birth and raising a baby while you're currently raising another baby?!?! Why?!
I was honestly struck with sheer panic when I saw that plus sign. I saw how hard it was on her the first time around. I can't deal with the hormones, the cravings, the nausea and the gas again haha. I was a crutch to her during her first pregnancy because her and her bf were going through a rough patch so the first half of her pregnancy was a pretty dreary and sad one... and to think, "here we go again" while her baby is still in diapers!
It got me thinking "Where am I in life?" I'm not engaged. I'm not married. I don't have a baby. Yet, it seems like everyone around me IS and DOES.
I'm saddened that there are girls I went to high school with that are changing their last names and thinking up of new names for their impending little ones while I'm debating what to have for lunch today.
I feel like I'm in a life-rut. Not where I should be, not where I want to be, not where I thought I'd be.
Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my life and I understand that it's just not my time yet but it does make me a little sad to see that some people are progressing, evolving, into wives, husbands and parents while I'm still a plain Jane at her plain Jane job with her plain Jane life.
I feel displaced in a world where I imagined my course going a different path. I'm a little bitter. I want nothing more than to have his last name replace mine or have a little piece of me and him in my arms. One day.
It'll happen.
xo
So get this. I'm standing in line at CVS to buy a pregnancy test. No. Not for me. I then find myself sitting on my best friends bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom and tell me the results. With a stupid grin on her face and bouncing her 6 month daughter on her hip she tells me "Do you see it too?" And there in front of me, as I'm holding another woman's urine soak pregnancy stick, I see it. A bright blue + sign. She's pregnant. AGAIN.
I'm ecstatic for her. She's my bff. My roll dawg. My home girl. But this home girl just had a baby 6 months ago and she's already expecting another one! My mind cannot wrap itself around the idea of me barely getting to know my goddaughter, her habits and seeing her grow into a little squish and have to start all over again...can you image actually giving birth and raising a baby while you're currently raising another baby?!?! Why?!
I was honestly struck with sheer panic when I saw that plus sign. I saw how hard it was on her the first time around. I can't deal with the hormones, the cravings, the nausea and the gas again haha. I was a crutch to her during her first pregnancy because her and her bf were going through a rough patch so the first half of her pregnancy was a pretty dreary and sad one... and to think, "here we go again" while her baby is still in diapers!
It got me thinking "Where am I in life?" I'm not engaged. I'm not married. I don't have a baby. Yet, it seems like everyone around me IS and DOES.
I'm saddened that there are girls I went to high school with that are changing their last names and thinking up of new names for their impending little ones while I'm debating what to have for lunch today.
I feel like I'm in a life-rut. Not where I should be, not where I want to be, not where I thought I'd be.
Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my life and I understand that it's just not my time yet but it does make me a little sad to see that some people are progressing, evolving, into wives, husbands and parents while I'm still a plain Jane at her plain Jane job with her plain Jane life.
I feel displaced in a world where I imagined my course going a different path. I'm a little bitter. I want nothing more than to have his last name replace mine or have a little piece of me and him in my arms. One day.
It'll happen.
xo
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